| Stage #1: Tabula Rasa
The first phase is the Tabula Rasa phase. Tabula Rasa means “blank slate” in Latin. The term is often first associated with philosopher, John Locke.
As humans, we are all born a “blank slate” when it comes to thought-development. For example, we have the ability to learn any language, and as children, we pick it up rather quickly and easily.
The same can be said for the formation of our self-talk. Our primary fillers in our first phase of thought-development are our parents.
Indeed, our parents (or primary caregivers) are the ones who give us our first form of self talk. Basically, a parent’s “you are…” statements become a child’s first “I am….” statements.
Stage #2: Adolescent Identity Formation
The second phase of the development comes from our friends, coaches, teachers, mentors, and peers. Typically this happens around adolescence.
In this phase, we begin to reconsider the identity that our parents encouraged us to have, and we start considering what identity most appeals to our newest, most important tribe, our friends.
Here, we often see adolescences experiment with various identities as they often struggle to find their fit.
For reference, the movie, “Inside Out,” actually displays these first two phases quite well in each one of their first two movies.
Stage #3: Self-Actualization
The third phase of thought-development then comes in young adulthood. This is where, we, as adults begin to realize that just because our parents taught us to think a certain way, and/or our friends thought a certain way about us, neither of those things truly define us, and that ultimately, we have the control to decide our own self-talk and identity formation.
The challenge here is that, as adults, this third phase of thought-development is the hardest to change.
Because the first two phases of throughly-development happen when we are most easily primed and molded, the third phases of thought-development is the slowest to take hold as we are often trying to reverse previously established thought-habits.
Indeed, if an adult does not consciously realize that they have the control to condition they’re thinking, then their default programming falls back to that of one of the earlier stages.
All that is to say, there is good news here…
As humans our greatest superpower is the fact that we are 100% in control of our thoughts and attitude!
Our challenge is that if we’re not consciously thinking about the thoughts, we’ve been conditioned to consume then we will always be passive bystanders to the suggested programming of others. To reach self-actualization, a term coined by Abraham Maslow, an adult needs to take control of their thinking, and that is often a difficult process.
Taking control of one’s thinking involves the consideration of the first two phases and then consciously deciding what to keep what to discard and what perhaps to replace it with.
This is where a great therapist can really help. An outside perspective to be a thought-consultant can go a long way! |
