In 1986, Gottman performed a study that was later dubbed, “The Seattle Love Lab Study.” In this study, observed and interviewed various newlywed couples and then put them into two categories: The Masters – who he predicted would make it, and the Disasters – whose marriages he predicted would likely fail.   In making his…

Let’s say your spouse is running late for dinner. You made the reservations and showed up on time. You’ve been sitting along for the better part of 20 minutes, and you notice yourself starting to feel irritated. In fact, you’re starting to stew. After sitting alone for 25 minutes, your spouse comes in looking flustered.…

Relationship expert, John Gottman, first introduced me to the idea of a “love map.” Basically, your love map is how well you know your partner, colleague, friend, or loved one. Early on in my relationship with Tresa, I learned that her favorite candy was Twizzlers. Oftentimes on my way home from work, I would stop…

First published by Gary Chapman in 1992, “The Five Love Languages” has sold over 10 million copies in English and has been translated into 49 other languages.77 The five love languages are… Acts of Service Words of Praise Quality Time Giving Gifts Physical Touch Acts of Service are anything you can do to ease the burden…

If someone says to me, “The Yankees are the greatest team in baseball,” and I’m a Pirates fan, I want to defend my team. However, if I go about that and I say, “You’re wrong. I can’t believe how wrong you are. You’re so incredibly foolish, how could you even think a thing? The Yankees…

Most people want to be agreeable and well liked. The challenge becomes when our desire to be liked and agreeable interferes with or supersedes our ability to set healthy boundaries.   One thing I find myself saying over and over again to my more passive clients in my therapy and coaching sessions is: “Stop giving…

Usually when we think of communication, we think of a spectrum from passive to aggressive. The question then becomes, what does it mean to be passive aggressive? In short, being passive aggressive is a form of communication where the sender of the message does so in a way that is backhanded, rude, covert, or condescending.…

As a professional therapist, I realize that a lot of people’s stress in life stems from an inability to assertively express themselves. Therefore, I end up teaching a good amount of effective communication skills. Still, the truth is that I can teach all the technical skills in the world and all that doesn’t mean squat…

As a society, we try to redefine assertive communication so that communication is more equitable and diverse populations are less marginalized and more respected.    In 2018, Serena Williams vehemently challenged a call of the umpire at the U.S. Open. The supposed infraction was getting “coached” from the sidelines (which historically gets called more often…

In Dale Carnegie’s book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” (my favorite book of all time) he talks about how “everyone is right from their own perspective,” so why argue against it? He also mentions, “you can win more friends in two months taking a genuine interest in others than you can in two…