Why It’s Not Worth Your Time to Take Offense

“Hurting people hurt people” 

To illustrate this principle, I’d like to share a lesson I learned from my experience working at a methadone clinic.

For the first two years of my post-graduate professional career, I worked as a professional counselor at a methadone clinic. Methadone is a medication given to those struggling with opioid addiction to give them mercy from the pain of withdrawal. Taken properly, allows those the opportunity to restore their lives.

In my opinion, it is a wonderful medication when used as a component of a holistic treatment program. This does not mean just giving someone medication and sending them on their way. Rather successful treatment is medication in conjunction with counseling. In return then people can work on their Mental Fitness as well.

When someone starts into a methadone treatment program, there are certain state and federal regulations they must comply with to receive medication. First, they must go to the clinic every day to dose (receive the prescribed dose of their medication). From there, if they are following the rules and working a good program – stable on their dose, attending counseling, passing their drug screens, and making timely payments – their “privilege status” can be granted.

Privilege status means that the person receiving methadone is permitted to take the medication home with them for a period of time, anywhere from a weekend to a full week. This allows the person to dose at home, rather than being required to come to the clinic every day.

So long as the person is continuing to adhere to program guidelines, their privilege status is maintained. However, occasionally, clients would slip up, and it would be my job to tell them their privilege status was being removed.

Some clients took it rather well. They owned up to the relapse, missed counseling, or missed payment; worked with me in a friendly and polite manner, and shook my hand before leaving the session. Other times, however, it would not go as smoothly.

Oftentimes, clients would try to manipulate the rules by presenting themselves as victims. They might say things like, “You can’t do this to me, Steve. I can’t afford to come to the clinic every day. I’m going to have to go back to using it. Is that what you want me to do? Go back to using it on the streets?”

Over the years, I’ve learned how to not take offense. I learned to not get sucked into this victimization talk. Attention is always positive. I do my best to redirect the client and not add fuel to the fire by giving it attention. I may say something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m here to help you in any way that I can.” From there, I keep it simple, repetitive, and robotic. I may repeat the same phrase verbatim just to set, show, and clarify healthy boundaries.

If the victimization talk wasn’t working, sometimes they may try intimidation and verbally attack my character. “You’re just on an ego trip, Steve. Not only are you a bad counselor, but you’re just a bad person as well!”

And naturally, valuing myself as a good counselor and person, it’s hard to not take offense. And if I didn’t have this mindset, I might want to say something back like, “Hey, I didn’t tell you to go out and use drugs and miss your counseling! That was your bad decision, not mine! I’m not a bad person, you’re just foolish and being a jerk.”

Now, if I had said something like that, would the situation likely have escalated or deescalated? It’s hard when someone attacks your characters or what you know to be true in your heart, not to defend yourself or attack back. But anytime you attack someone or defend against something you know if your heart is untrue, it just adds fuel to the fire. It almost always escalates the conflict.