Cognitive Dissonance & the word “AND”

So often in life we think of things in black and white. This person is good and this person is bad. This event is unfortunate, but this event is a blessing. This emotions is negative, while this emotion is positive.

And truth be told, our brains are wired to keep things in these more simplistic categories. It protects us from a condition called “cognitive dissonance.”

For those who may not be familiar with the term, “Cognitive Dissonance,” coined by Leon Festinger in 1957, is basically when an idea we have about ourselves, or the world doesn’t quite match the reality of what is.

When this happens in life, we often change our mental schemas to protect ourselves from that icky, this-didn’t-go-the-way-I-wanted-it-to, feeling. Often these mental gymnastics protect us from getting hurt, but also keep us from reflecting more deeply or seeing things more broadly.

Indeed, I believe we as a society have actually gotten worse at this in recent years.

For example, to break this idea down into an everyday occurrence…

We just aren’t very good at incorporating the word “AND” into our mental vocabulary!!

 

•  “She’s a great person AND she has flaws in her business practices.”

 

•  “He’s great around people AND he struggles with social anxiety.”

 

•  “She would do anything for anyone AND she is sometimes selfish.”

 

Basically, our brains don’t like the word “AND” here and would much rather insert the term “BUT.” 

We do this almost instinctively when our brain initially sees the ideas as contradictory to negate the dissonance…

And yet, “AND” is often the more correct term when it comes to looking at the whole object of who the person is!

“AND” honors and recognizes the nuances of ideas and people.

“AND” says it’s okay to be human and to be complex. “AND” is where we gain insight and growth because it requires deeper thought and reflection. 

The moral of the story is this:

Any person can easily play it safe and think and speak in black-or-white generalities as to who is good and who is bad or what is right and what is wrong.

AND yet…

F. Scott Fitzgerald famously wrote…

“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time AND still retain the ability to function.”

Well said, Fitz!